The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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