I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
