I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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