just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize