Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
