i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
