My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
