my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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