Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
