SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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