i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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