Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
