Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
