Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
and you fell through a lawn chair
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
