whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm like, not good at living.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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