she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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