So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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