How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
