the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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