Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Send help, water and tortillas.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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