I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
