I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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