Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
