take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
