Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
