new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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