alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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