Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
