I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
