How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
