I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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