I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
