I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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