One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
