chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
