This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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