I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
