I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
