I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I am one with the molecules
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
