Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
