sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I cannot find my penis.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
