you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
