i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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