I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
