i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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