I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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