I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
