did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
