My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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