Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We're too hungover to prance.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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