i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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