she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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