dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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