There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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