but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
