Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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