It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
