I want to have your abortion
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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