Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
