I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
