I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
