Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
