It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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