Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
