I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
