Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
