Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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