Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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