that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We have started to decorate penises.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
