It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
