I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize