I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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