before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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