Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
