I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
