So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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