Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
