I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
