whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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