drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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