My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
