So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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