the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
