When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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