My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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