I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
