Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
