I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
